Standing up for myself is something that has always been hard for me. I usually want to make people happy, keep things easy, and not worry about confronting any issues. However, that all has changed. I decided that as my company was growing quickly, I needed to as well. I needed to cut the fat, the users and graspers and connection clingers, and start saying NO. I’m not mad at any of the choices I’ve made, or people I’ve replaced that may or may have not been too attached to me and my businesses, and you shouldn’t be either.
-No, I am not paying for you.
-No, you cannot work for me, only to complain later because you actually have to work.
-No, you cannot come over to chill.
-No, I need my space and that is not up for discussion.
-No, you can’t talk to me like that.
The list goes on…
Standing up for yourself isn’t about being mean or nasty to anyone, not at all. It is simply about making choices that are good for you by standing up to the people who are no longer serving you and disengaging. It’s about evaluating and choosing to establish boundaries in areas of your life that you know would contribute to your well-being.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being generous with your time or money or connections. I still am, I just choose much more wisely about who I share my resources with. Sometimes though, when you are giving more happiness to others than yourself, you need to reevaluate and become a little more selfish. I think we’ve been trained to think of selfishness as having a bad connotation, but really selfishness can also just be self-care (reference above list of No’s).
Think of it this way, our lives are 100% defined by the choices we make. If you are sitting around letting other people make choices for you, or talk to you a certain way, then you are NOT living your own life. Life is way too short to be stuck with a shitty partner, friend, or job. The limited time we have is too important for that. If you want to stay home and manifest on a Saturday night (me lol) rather than going out with all your friends that keep calling, say NO! Do you know how many nights I’ve gone out when I didn’t want to? TOO MANY! Saying no for the sake of self-care is not rude, it’s a sign of a strong person who thinks for themselves. Once you start doing what you want over what other people want for you, you’ll be taking the first step to living for yourself and not caring what anyone else thinks (my fave mindset). It’s the best thing you can do for yourself.
What finally standing up for myself taught me, and will teach you.
–Who my real friends were. It’s as simple as that. When you no longer serve someone a purpose, which friends will still be there?
-It will give you more respect. You think I won’t call someone out on IG? Try me again.
-You will have way more free time. Yes! More time for self-love, fewer hangovers, and more money!
-It will give you a new perspective on what is important, and who you value. I love the relationships I have with my true friends, and we all work together and promote each other.
-You will have more peace in your life. No more drama for this momma 2021………..