( My girls above, who are never fake <3 )
We’ve all had those encounters (one or maybe several) with a shady friend. Whether it be a back handed comment about your choice in men, or your lack of showing up to plans. During COVID-19 however, I’ve heard more stories about the worst surfacing in people than ever before.
Most people say that you should surround yourself with elevated people. As the age old saying goes, “You are who you surround yourself with,” we’ve all heard that. Business mentors, life coaches, and huge conventions are sold on this motto. Spend $4500 on a ticket, and they will basically tell you to leave your current friends (who are not good enough), and teach you to “level up.” I agree, surrounding yourself with successful people as you embark on a new life or business venture is sometimes beneficial, but I also believe that finding genuine people is the more important factor. If being with rich or famous people makes you feel more superior, yet those same people are awful human beings, then you have some serious work to do and some priorities to check. I’ve always had a wide variety of friends, but there was this one time in Malibu recently, when some people that I thought were friends introduced me to a new group, that left me wondering when a “shady friend” is actually just a fake friend…
Back story. I’ve always been an open book by nature. Being fake is not in my DNA, and I cannot be friends with someone who doesn’t understand me. Most people say that I share too much, which is probably a fact. I’ve had friends in all walks of life, living in mansions to studio apartments. I have even walked the streets at midnight in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania making friends (drinking at bars with the locals… another story for another time), but the common theme among all of them all is that they were real. One thing I’ve noticed about people as of late though, is that COVID-19 has made people severely effed up (or at least brought what was already there to the surface).
This recent realization came one evening, on that trip to Malibu a short while back. I showed up with gifts for the host, treated everyone to an expensive dinner, and was looking forward to the time away with friends, but ended up leaving early because the inauthentic interactions that were taking place made me sick to my stomach. Everyone sucking the guy’s dick (not literally) who had the most money, and a so-called business partner attempting to embarrass me in front of everyone over my lack of knowledge of red wine. “Hunni, I drink Kim Crawford… and bring business to your store…” were my thoughts. What’s worse, the other guests (as well as his Girlfriend, who pays all his bills and been sweating me hardbody since the day I met her) all ganged up on me to make me feel even worse. An evening that was supposed to be spent with good friends turned into a nightmare. But I left with this great new subject for my blog, and spent the remaining two days with a very good friend, complete with beach time and plenty of Kim Crawford. So who was the real winner that night? Always, yours truly.
“Fake it till you make it” they say. Well, not me. I’d rather be with people who know who they are — contenders, not pretenders. I’m lucky to have lots of those people in my life, a circle that doesn’t judge worth by meaningless boujee facts. But when you do find people, who you thought were friends, bringing you down or showing their true colors, don’t be afraid to walk away. Keep the people who build you up and celebrate who you are.
So, how do you define shady versus fake? I think that answer lies in you; you’re the only one who can decide whether or not you are hanging out with fake friends. Ask yourself, “What does this friendship do for me, and what do I do for this friendship?” If you can’t answer that, or you know that you aren’t putting any skin in the game, maybe it’s you who is the fake friend.
Enjoy some pictures of my REAL friends below!